


Amaranthine

by LadyFogg



Series: Angel with a Shotgun [7]
Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Family, Fluff, Language, Love, Sexual Content, What if?, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 06:18:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4949908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyFogg/pseuds/LadyFogg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every once in awhile, you have to ask yourself...what if? John’s POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amaranthine

**Author's Note:**

> Fic Song: https://play.spotify.com/track/2JPYNZOWzjiuaEek4AjJNu

John comes back to consciousness slowly. He’s too warm and comfortable, so he keeps his eyes closed, hoping to fall right back to sleep. Lola is curled into his side, her cheek pressed against his chest. Her soft breath tickles his skin and his arms automatically tighten around her. He’s stiff from sleeping in the same position for so long. He shifts slightly, pulling the comforter up as a sudden chill passes over them. Lola shivers too and buries herself further into his embrace.

John nuzzles her hair as he feels her starting to wake as well. “W’time s’it?” she mutters sleeply.

“Early,” he answers. “Go back to sleep.”

She grunts with agreement and is still again. John can’t fall back to sleep for some reason. Instead of nodding off as he normally would, he finds himself becoming more alert. Annoyingly so. Eventually he rubs his face tiredly and cracks an eye open.

The room is bathed in the light of the early morning. John can’t see the clock from where he is, but he knows it’s probably before seven. He shifts from his back to his side and he draws Lola completely against his chest. She snuggles herself further into his embrace. His morning erection pokes her in the process and she wakes again. “Give it a rest, Constantine,” she mumbles into his neck.

He chuckles. “Accident, love,” he says, adjusting his hips away from her. “Trust me, you’ll know when it’s on purpose.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” she says. She sounds like she’s waking up fully too. “Sorry, baby. Too tired to do anything about it.”

“Don’t apologize,” John says. “Ignore it, it’ll go away.”

She gives a snort of laughter. “Yeah, I remember that line,” she says.

“When have I ever used that line on you?” he asks as she draws away, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She’s completely naked and as she moves, the blanket slides down to reveal her swollen stomach.

“About seven months ago, give or take,” she says with a yawn.

John grins cheekily. “You got me there,” he says. He places a few gentle kisses across her shoulder and to her neck as his hands slide over her pregnant belly. “How we doing this morning?”

“She’s sleeping I think,” Lola says, shivering and tugging the blanket back up over herself. “Haven’t felt her move in a while.” She looks around and points to the floor where her oversized t-shirt lays. “Hand me that.”

John chuckles at her order. “Yes, love,” he says and slides out of bed. The room is so chilly it's enough to get rid of his morning wood almost instantly. It never gets this chilly at this time of year. Must have a cold front coming through. He scoops up the shirt off the floor and tosses it to Lola before moving to his dresser. He himself is already wearing pajama bottoms, so he pulls on a fresh shirt before reaching over the dresser to close the window. Once that’s done, he hurries back to bed.

Lola is waiting with the comforter held open for him. He slides in next to her as she cuddles up for warmth.

“You ready for today?” she asks.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” he says.

She laughs softly. “You’re so fucking dramatic,” she says. “You’ll be fine. It’s just a few hours. Renee wants to take me to the spa for a pregnancy massage. She said she had one when she was pregnant with Johnny and it was the best.”

“As long as Chas can come for reinforcement, I think between the two of us we can handle things,” John says.

“That’s the spirit,” Lola says. “Now kiss me.”

John chuckles and leans down to give her a gentle kiss. He cups her cheek as he draws her in closer. Before things can go any further however, there’s a soft knock on the door. They draw apart and John sighs heavily as Lola smirks up at him. “Duty calls,” she says, forcing herself to sit up.

The door opens and their daughter pokes their head in before stepping into the room. “Mommy? Daddy? You awake?” Her dirty-blonde curls are in disarray and she’s carrying her blankie.

“Astra, why are you awake so early?” John asks as she shuffles over to them.

“Mary’s crying,” Astra announces, climbing up into the bed.

Lola swears under her breath and reaches over to check the monitor on her nightstand. “Not again,” she grumbles. “This damn thing keeps shutting itself off. We need a new one.”

“I’ll get her,” John says, starting to move out from under the blanket, but Lola waves him off.

“Nah, I got it,” she says, rolling herself out of bed. “Gotta pee anyways.”

“Come here, princess,” John says to Astra, patting the spot on his right. Astra crawls over and settles down next to him. “You ready to spend the day with, Daddy?”

“You mean no Mommy at all?” Astra asks, staring at him with her big eyes. Eyes she clearly got from him. She was like John in miniature form and he never gets over how strange it is to see his own features reflected back at him.

Lola smiles at the pair as she pulls on a robe. “Mommy’s going to be out for a bit, so it’ll just be you guys and Daddy,” she says. “Think he can handle it?”

Astra pretends to think and John pokes her in the sides, causing her to dissolve into giggles. “Hey now, don’t you start too,” he says.

“I think Daddy will be great,” Astra declares, hugging her father. He smoothes back her crazy hair to place a kiss on her forehead.

Lola waddles from the room and John enjoys the peace and quiet with his eldest daughter...for about two seconds. There are suddenly two loud voices in the hallway and the sound of some kind of scuffle. “Oy!” he yells. “What’s going on out there?”

Two young boys burst into the room, shoving each other in their rush for the bed.

“Me first!” the youngest whines. He looks like the spitting image of his mother, though his hair tends to fall the same way John’s does.

“I’m bigger, I’ll get there first,” says the other. He’s a perfect mix of both his parents, though when he scowls John swears it’s like looking into a small mirror.

“Gary, stop antagonizing your brother,” John says. “He’s two years younger than you.”

“But he started it!” Gary, the eldest boy, insists.

John rolls his eyes. It’s going to be a long day. “Just help him up,” he says. “Or you’ll be inside later when we’re all outside.”

Gary pouts but does as his father asks.

Chandler crawls over to John happily. “Morning, Daddy,” he says through a large yawn.

Four children. Four. With one on the way. What the bloody hell were they thinking? John often asks himself this question every time he’s in a room with the entire brood. But he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. Astra and Gary bicker as he tries to move in between her and John, while Chandler (the quietest of the bunch) stays right where he is, snuggled against John’s left side.

When Lola enters with Mary, she smiles as she sees them all together. Mary rests her head in the crook of Lola’s shoulder, eyes red and wet. But she doesn’t seem to be crying anymore.

“After this one, we’re done,” his partner announces, gesturing to her stomach as she climbs into bed with all of them.

John nods with agreement. “I’m with you on that one, one-hundred percent,” he says. “However, we did say that after Chandler...”

“More kids!” Astra yells.

“NO,” both her parents declare.

“Mommy, we have those blueberries from yesterday we need to use,” Astra reminds her.

“Pancakes?” Gary asks. “Can we make blueberry pancakes? Pleeeeease?”

“Pancakes!” Chandler exclaims excitedly.

Lola rolls her eyes as Mary sucks her thumb. “Looks like it’s unanimous,” she says. “Do you mind making those? I think this one wants to go back to sleep.”

“Do you, Mary?” John asks with a smile, leaning over his two eldest kids to place kisses on his youngest’s cheek. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

She doesn’t answer, of course, but she giggles sleeply as John’s stubble tickles her face. She presents her forehead to him, her way of returning the kiss. He gives her another peck before extracting himself from Chandler’s grasp. “Alright, demon spawn! Everyone to the kitchen!”

Lola sucks her teeth. “Don’t call them that,” she scolds.

“Poor taste?”

“Just slightly.”

John laughs. “Fair enough,” he says.

“Go with gremlins,” Lola says.

“Alright, _gremlins_ , downstairs,” John orders. Astra and Gary both scramble to get out of bed. Once they manage to extract themselves from the blankets, they race each other out of the room. Chandler struggles to climb down himself for a moment and after John helps him, he hurries to catch up with them.

John tosses Lola a tired look and she grins smugly. “Have fun,” she says, settling into bed with Mary, who already looks like she’s nodding off again.

After a pit stop to freshen up in the bathroom, John makes his way downstairs. The kids are already in the kitchen when he gets there. Chandler is sitting at the table, rubbing his tired eyes. Gary is on top of the counter, reaching for the instant pancake mix in one of the cupboards, while Astra opens the refrigerator to get the blueberries.

John hurries over to catch his son before he falls backwards. “Easy there, Gary-Boy,” he says, helping the five year-old down. “You’re going to give your dad a heart attack climbing up high like that.”

“I can do it,” Gary insists, putting the box on the counter.

“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should,” John tells him pointedly. He notices Astra trying to hold the large bowl of blueberries herself and John manages to catch it before she drops it. “Astra, be careful. Wouldn’t want to lose any of these before we get a chance to enjoy them.”

“I wanna measure!” Chandler says excitedly, sliding off the chair and practically bouncing over to them. Still holding the bowl of berries, John uses his foot to drag over the small step stool out from between the refrigerator and the wall. Chandler takes it from him and positions it next to his brother so he can step up and see better.

“I wanna mix the batter!” Astra exclaims, as John moves to stand between her and the boys.

“No _I_ wanna mix!” Gary tells her. “You mixed last time!”

“Did not!”

“Did to!”

“Bloody hell, give me strength,” John mutters, staring up at the ceiling in prayer. “No more arguing. Gary, you can mix.”

“But, Daddy--” Astra begins.

“Astra,” John says warningly, giving his daughter a look that clearly meant it wasn’t up for discussion. “He’s right, you mixed last time. You can help me flip them, sound good?”

“Yeah!” Astra says excitedly, bouncing up and down slightly.

Gary’s face falls. “No fair!” he whines.

“Those are the terms, Gary-Boy,” John says with a shrug. “You get to mix so she helps me flip. Why don’t the both of you set the table while Chan and I get this started.” He puts the bowl of blueberries on the counter before reaching into the cupboard and pulling out a stack of plates. He hands them to Astra, who carefully carries them over to the table while Gary gets the silverware.

Chandler is already opening the pancake mix box. John gets a large mixing bowl for him and the measuring cups. He doesn’t need to worry about Chandler making a mess. The kid takes his cooking very seriously and is generally a neat person. Basically the opposite of his siblings who like to leave a disaster wherever they go. Mary seems to be like Chandler as well. She is in the habit of putting things back where she finds them. Who knows what kid five will be like…

“Alright there, mate?” John asks Chandler after setting the griddle over the stovetop and turning it on.

“All set!” Chandler says proudly, showing John the bowl filled with pancake powder mix and water. He has a smudge of powder on his nose, which makes John chuckle as he brushes it away for him.

“Awesome, well done,” his father says. “Have to add the blueberries, can’t forget those.” John helps his son dump half the bowl of blueberries into the mix. “Your services are no longer required, little man. Gary, you’re up!”

Chandler smiles proudly and hops down from the step stool so his brother can take his place.

“Hey,” John says, nudging his son slightly as he hands him a wooden spoon. “What’s with the bickering?”

Gary frowns at his father but doesn’t answer. Instead he gives a half shrug and starts to mix the pancake batter.

John studies his son for a moment before saying. “How about tomorrow, you and me go on an adventure together? Just the two of us? Sound good?”

He has a hunch that Gary may be feeling slightly neglected. Astra is very much a Daddy’s girl. Chandler tends to be more sensitive and needs a little bit more attention at times. Mary is attached to her mother. Which leaves Gary somewhere in the middle.

Gary smiles up at his father. “Where?” he asks excitedly.

“You pick,” John says. “But let’s keep this between us, yeah?”

“Like a secret mission?” Gary asks excitedly in a hushed voice.

John throws him a wink. “Exactly,” he says. He holds his hand over the large griddle to test the heat. It’s just about ready. He notices Gary struggling to stir and adds, “Hold the bowl with your other hand, before it goes over the edge of the counter.”

Gary listens, his smile never faltering. John smiles too and ruffles the lad’s hair before turning to look for his daughter. “Astra, can you get me the butter?”

About thirty to forty minutes later there’s a mountain of hot, blueberry pancakes stacked high on a plate. John’s alone in the kitchen, and he treasures the rare moment while he can. He never is left alone anymore and while he does miss privacy, secretly he loves the chaotic household he and Lola have built.

Chandler and Gary had retreated to the living room long ago and Astra had followed after getting bored of helping her father. John places the plate in the middle of the table, along with a plate of sausages he had decided were necessary.

Once that’s done, he pulls a pitcher of orange juice out of the refrigerator and calls, “Breakfast time!”

As he’s placing the pitcher on table, Lola enters with Mary on her hip. The mother looks exhausted. “She slept for like five minutes then poked my face the rest of the time,” she announces, putting the little girl into her highchair. The child whines when her mother lets go of her to adjust the tray. John slides a pancake in front of his daughter, which immediately distracts her.

He then turns to his partner and pulls her into a tight embrace. “You look knackered,” he tells her, rubbing her lower back softly. She sighs with appreciation. “I’m glad you’re taking the day for yourself. Chas and I will get dinner together tonight for the whole lot. You and Renee can come back here and we’ll all eat.”

Lola gives him a warm smile and pulls him forward into a kiss. “I love you,” she says softly once she draws away.

John smiles back and strokes her cheek. “I love you, too,” he tells her.

Astra, Gary and Chandler burst into the kitchen, chatting excitedly to each other about whatever television show they had been watching. They climb into their chairs and Lola detaches herself from John, but not before giving him a pinch on the ass. John jumps slightly and smirks at her, before clapping his hands together excitedly and turning to their children. “This lovely meal was a group effort and brought to you by clan Constantine. Your mother and sister picked the blueberries, we had Chandler on measuring duty and Gary on mixing. So good job team.”

The children laugh and Lola rolls her eyes at him. “Just pass out the food, I’m starving,” she says.

John nods his head towards her. “Your mother has spoken,” he says. “How many does everyone want?”

The meal passes fairly slowly after that. There’s usually too much talking for things to go quick. Not that John minds. He loves the stories his kids tell, and how animated they get. Meals are always full of laughs and jokes and on more than one occasion John finds himself chuckling uncontrollably. It’s moments like these he loves to look around at his family and reflect on how he got so lucky.

He’s still not quite sure how it happened.

After everything he and Lola had been through in their lives, how did they end up here? Together with a family? John frowns as he finds himself having difficulty following the series of events in his head that led up to this moment. He remembers her dying. He remembers saving her. The rest is just sort of a haze of half-memories and stray thoughts.

He’s snapped out of his daze by Astra’s loud giggles as she points to her sister. They all turn to find Mary’s face completely purple as she smears blueberries over herself. They all laugh.

After everyone has eaten and the kitchen is clean, John orders his children upstairs. “You know the drill,” he says as Lola wipes Mary’s face with a washcloth. “Brush your teeth, wash your faces, change your clothes, fix your beds. Hop to it. It’s a nice day out and we don’t want to waste the sunshine.”

Astra, Gary and Chandler take off to do what their father asks, while John gets Mary out of her highchair.

Lola’s phone buzzes on the counter. She drops the washcloth in the sink on her way to answer it. “Renee’s on her way,” she announces after reading the text. “I should shower and get dressed too.”

“Go ahead, I’ll take care of this little lady,” John says, bouncing Mary slightly. She’s happy now that she’s eaten and she doesn’t seem to mind Lola isn’t holding her. So John’s going to savor it while he can. Usually she’s too attached to her mother for John to get one-on-one time.

“I love seeing you with them,” Lola comments, coming up behind him to wrap her arms around his middle.

He smiles as he leans into her. “Is that so?” he asks. “Maybe that’s why we have five kids.”

Lola laughs and he feels the baby kick him in the back. “Yeah, maybe,” she says. “That and we can’t keep our hands off of each other even after being together for ten years.”

“Has it been ten?” John asks. It really doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. “Well then, here’s to ten more.” He turns around in her arms so he can give her a kiss.

“Just ten more?” Lola teases, her nose brushing against his.

“Hopefully more than that,” John says. “Now go, get ready for your day out.” Lola gives him another kiss before she turns to walk away. John watches her retreating frame, a wave of desire washing over him. He never gets tired of that woman. He has to admit he also thought being tied down to the same person for so long would drive him insane. Not with Lola it seems. The longer he’s with her, the more he wants her.

Mary, tired of being ignored, reaches up to shove her finger up John’s nose. He jerks at the movement and lightly bats her hand away. “Enough of that, little lady,” he says, turning his attention back to her. “Are you going to give Daddy a hard time today?”

She gives him a large grin and starts to babble. They aren’t words yet, but he vaguely hears “Mama” and “Dada” in there. She, like Astra, inherited his hair color, though it’s more her mother’s texture. He runs his fingers through the soft strands to shake free the bits of pancake.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, get you into a fresh nappy and then have some play time, yeah?” Mary gives him a large smile and wiggles excitedly.

An hour passes before they actually manage to get everyone dressed and ready for the day. With Mary on his hip, John leads the troop outside and into the large backyard. They had purchased an old farmhouse far from the main town and had converted it into their family home. They had tons of land for the little ones to explore when the weather was nice.

It’s a sunny day, with no hint of the chill that John had felt that morning. He places Mary on a large blanket in the green grass, while Astra hands him a few throw pillows she carried out for him. He thanks her with a smacking kiss on the forehead before sending her to play with Gary and Chandler.

They aren’t out there very long before Lola joins them. “Okay, Mommy’s heading out,” she calls as she comes out through the backdoor.

“Bye, Mom!” Gary and Astra yell in unison as they run past her. Chandler makes sure to stop and give his mother a proper hug and kiss goodbye. John arranges the pillows around Mary for safety before he gets up to hug his partner.

“You have fun,” he tells her, drawing her in close once Chandler has returned his attention to his older siblings. “And don’t worry about a thing. Old Johnny’s got this handled.”

There’s a yell from Astra. “GARY, NO PUSHING!”

John sighs heavily and Lola giggles. “Have fun, Johnny,” she says, giving him a quick kiss. “You’ve handled all kinds of things. I’m sure you can handle this.”

There’s more arguing from Gary and Astra in the background and John shoots Lola a doubtful look.

“Let’s hope you’re up for a little something tonight, because I have a feeling I’m going to need it,” he teases.

Lola raises her eyebrows at him and leans in close. “Just a little something?” she teases back. She uses that voice she knows drives him crazy.

John chuckles deeply. “Alright, a big something,” he says in a low voice so only she can hear. He brushes his lips against hers and receives a soft moan for his efforts. “A big, throbbing, something that makes your knees buckle when I--”

“DAD! ASTRA HIT ME!”

“NO I DIDN’T!

“Bollocks,” John mumbles. Lola giggles again as he leans in to give her another quick kiss on the lips. “To be continued, my love. Now go. I have some parenting to do.”

Lola gives him a full blown laugh this time and lets him pull away from her so he can address their children. He can feel her watch him for a few seconds before he hears her walk back into the house. “Okay, okay, you have Daddy’s attention. What’s the problem?”

Astra and Gary both start talking at once and John listens for about thirty seconds before raising his hand for silence. It seems it’s one of those situations where they just need to play in separate areas until they calm down. “Enough,” he says sternly. “You two have been at each other’s throats all morning. Astra, you play on the swings, Gary, why don’t you show your brother how to play catch?”

“Yeah!” Chandler says excitedly, hopping up and down.

Gary gives his father a pleading look. John knows he wants to argue. He’s great at it (though John will stubbornly deny knowing where his son got that particular trait from). Instead he says, “Okay, Dad.” and slinks away with Chandler in tow. Astra, who hates being scolded, pouts and stomps away to the swings without even looking at John. He lets her go, knowing she’ll be fine after a few minutes.

Mary is sitting upright on the blanket, quietly playing with her toys. John collapses on the ground next to her. “Hold off learning to talk for as long as possible,” he tells the baby, who doesn’t even look at him. She’s too engrossed in her toys. “For your parents sanity, please.”

“Lovely advice, John.”

He cranes his neck around and smiles up at the woman he didn’t even notice a second ago. “Anne Marie,” he says, getting to his feet again. “You just missed Lola.”

“I caught her as she was leaving,” Anne Marie says with a smile. She’s dressed in a simple pair of pants and a cashmere sweater. “I was in the neighborhood and figured I’d pop in.”

“It’s good to see you, Annie,” John says, pulling her into a tight hug. “You look good.”

“So do you,” Anne Marie comments. “Family life suits you.”

“Does it?” John asks, amused by her statement.

“Believe me, I’m just as surprised as you are,” Anne Marie says.

“Hi, Auntie Annie!” Chandler calls from across the yard, waving frantically as Gary tries to put a baseball glove on him. Gary also waves briefly. Astra remains swinging and pouting.

“Oh I’ve seen that face,” Anne Marie says, nodding towards Astra. “Did someone tell her she couldn’t have something she wanted?”

“I don’t like what you’re implying,” John tells her with mock offense. “And no, she was scolded for arguing with her brother.”

Anne Marie chuckles and joins John on the blanket with Mary. “Look at this one!” she coos, leaning over to place a gentle hand on the baby’s cheek. “You are getting to be such a big girl!”

Mary smiles excitedly and reaches for Anne Marie, who promptly lifts the little girl onto her lap.

“Can you believe it? Me, with kids? And a house?” John says with a chuckle.

“And no plans to make an honest woman out of the mother of your children,” Anne Marie scolds teasingly. She lives to give John a hard time about not marrying Lola. She does it every time she comes to visit.

“Me and the Missus are just fine living in sin, thank you very much,” John says. “Marriage isn’t for either of us. Besides, it’s just a piece of paper.”

“John Constantine, fine with living in sin,” Anne Marie comments. “Now you’re sounding like your old self.”

John smirks and shakes his head. “‘Old self’,” he repeats. “The drunken, chain-smoking, right bastard I was forever.”

“When was the last time you had a drink? Or smoked?” Anne Marie inquires.

John can’t remember to be honest. It probably was before Astra was born. Though thinking about both at the moment brings the urges to the surface and he has to force himself to focus on his children so he can stop thinking about it. “Years,” he answers. “And I’m keen on keeping it that way.”

“I’m proud of you, John,” Anne Marie says, smiling as she watches his children play. “Giving up your vices, giving up magic, and settling down. It almost seems impossible after everything you’ve been through.”

“It does, doesn’t it,” John mutters to himself, frowning. The more he thinks on it, the less the whole situation starts to make sense.

Suddenly Mary starts to cry and he immediately turns to her. “What’s the matter, little lady?”

“She looks tired,” Anne Marie comments, handing John his daughter back. As soon as John holds her against his chest, she snuggles into his neck. After bouncing her slightly, he feels her relax against him.

“Daddy! Daddy! Watch this!” Chandler yells to him.

John looks up in time to see Gary throw the baseball to his brother, only to have Chandler miss catching it. John chuckles. “Almost, little man!”

“Have you guys decided on a name for the newest rugrat?” Anne Marie asks. They watch as Astra stops her pouting to go play with her brothers. John keeps a close eye on them, looking for any signs of more fighting. Thankfully, they seem content. Astra helps Chandler to catch Gary’s next throw by showing him how to lower his hand a bit.

“It’s Cheryl,” John says. “After my sister. Mary’s named after my mother so we figured it was fitting.”

“I don’t know how you guys do it,” Anne Marie says, shaking her head. “Four kids and one more on the way. God bless all of you.”

John lets the comment slide. Mary has fallen asleep against his chest so he pulls over the pillows so he can lounge comfortably with her. “You staying for long?” he asks.

Anne Marie sighs. “Unfortunately, I have to go,” she says. “Just wanted to pop in and drop off some presents for the children. They’re inside already.”

“Thank you,” John says as she gets to her feet. “You should come around for dinner some time. I’m sure Lola would love to have more time to catch up.”

“I’ll do that,” Anne Marie says. She gives one more soft smile in the direction of John’s children as she shakes her head slightly. “John Constantine, a father. Now I’ve seen everything.”

John chuckles. “Goodbye, Annie.”

She sends a wave to the children before turning and leaving. John cranes his neck to watch her go, happy that they chose to stay in contact, even after the incident in Mexico. He was surprised to see her, considering he thought she was still living down there. When had she moved back?

There it was again. That weird feeling that something wasn’t quite right. John can't put his finger on it. A cold breeze sweeps past him briefly and he picks up Mary’s blanket to drape it over her so she doesn’t feel it. The kids don’t seem to notice. They continue to play, though have abandoned catch and are now playing tag.

Astra is faster than her brothers, but Gary is great at dodging while Chandler just runs in circles, waving his arms. John feels like he’s watching himself and Lola at times. He’s not surprised that Astra hit her brother. That was one trait of her mother’s she had developed at an early age. John lost count of how many times she socked him in the jaw when she was a baby. Lola found it hilarious. He did not.

But the longer John watches his children laugh and play, the more his smile fades. Honestly, how did he and Lola end up this way? The last thing he could recall was Lola not wanting to bring children into this terrible world. Yet here they were, ten years later with five little ones.

“Looks like the house is still standing.”

John looks up at Chas, his smile returning. “Hey, mate,” he says. Next to Chas, John Chandler shyly peeks out from behind his father leg. “Hey there, Johnny. How’s it going?”

When Chas and Renee had gotten back together, John had been happy for them. Being apart from his family was always something Chas regretted and John was glad they had been able to make amends. Even if Renee still gave him the stink eye from time to time.

“Hi, Uncle John,” Johnny says. “Is Astra around?”

John smirks and nods towards where his children are running around. “She’s over there,” he says.

Chas nudges his son in that direction. “Go on,” he says.

Johnny leaves his father’s side and jogs towards John’s children. Astra notices him almost instantly and her face splits into a wide smile. She abandons the game with her brothers to greet him.

“Will you look at that,” John comments, as Chas takes the spot Anne Marie had just vacated. “Looks like they fancy each other.”

“Your daughter and my son,” Chas says, shaking his head. “Can’t say I’m surprised. They grew up together.”

“Who knows, we may be in-laws some day,” John teases.

Chas shoots him a look. “Lord help us,” he says with a half-smile. “Seems you’re doing alright without Lola.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I can get on without my other half,” John says, rolling his eyes at Chas. He adjusts Mary as she starts to slide off his chest. She’s sleeping so deeply her mouth is hanging wide open. It makes John smile.

“Of course you can,” Chas says, patronizingly. “Just not well.”

“Sod off,” John tells him. “By the way I told Lola we’d take care of dinner tonight.”

“So you mean I’d take care of dinner tonight,” Chas says.

“Well yeah, I assumed that went without saying.”

The spend the rest of the day in the sun, watching the kids play together. Mary sleeps on John for awhile, so he has no choice but to just lay there. Not that he minds. Chas stays at his side and they chat about everything and nothing at the same time. Eventually Chas goes into the house and brings out a large plate of sandwiches for everyone.

The fathers and their children gather together on the large blanket to enjoy their lunch. John still feels as if something is off, but he chalks it up to being exhausted and not having Lola around. He always is off when they are separate for too long.

The day seems to pass in the blink of an eye.

Before John realizes it, it’s dinner time and his family and Chas’s file into the dining room so they can eat. Lola and Renee have returned, and Geraldine has surprised her parents by coming home from college for the weekend.

They all gather around the large dining room table as Chas serves his famous rack of lamb. Everyone is smiling and laughing. Lola looks radiant and relaxed, and she keeps squeezing John’s thigh under the table which he greatly appreciates. But even still, John can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is wrong. He’s quiet through most of dinner, trying to pinpoint exactly what is going through his mind. He can’t and begins to get frustrated with himself. He shouldn’t be worrying. Everything is great. Perfect even.

Maybe that is the worrying part. Is it too perfect?

After the Chandlers have gone and the kids are finally wrestled into bed, the adults retire to their room for some much needed alone time. Lola is watching him carefully as they get ready for bed. “What’s going on?” she asks.

“Hmm, what?” John questions, so distracted he missed what she said.

“You’re lost in your head, what’s up?” Lola asks. “Talk to me. Long day?” She eases herself into bed as John turns on the lamp on his nightstand.

“Yeah...well, no,” he says, climbing in next to her. “I don’t know. The day kind of got away from me.”

“Did they give you a hard time?” she asks.

John shakes his head. “No, they were great,” he assures her. “I don’t know. I just feel like something’s wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Lola asks.

John doesn’t say anything at first. He feels that cold chill again. That’s weird. He knows it’s not from outside because the window is still closed. Lola doesn’t react to it, so he’s sure she doesn’t feel it. “Lola, doesn’t this seem…” he doesn’t know how to say what he’s thinking without offending her. “I mean, I feel like time sort of just passed us by.”

“Yeah, it does that,” Lola comments. “What’s your point?”

John sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair. “Nothing, I guess I’m just so used to there always being an obstacle or something,” he says. “Maybe I’m waiting for things to go wrong.”

“Well, cut the shit,” Lola says, cuddling up to him. “And why don’t you put those hands to good use? I was promised a big, throbbing something.”

Normally he would jump at the chance. However, he doesn’t feel like fooling around so he places a careful kiss on her lips before immediately pulling away. In fact, he doesn’t even feel tired at all. Didn’t they just get up? Is it really so late?

The more these thoughts enter his mind, the more John starts to notice things are off. The room looks a bit hazy, the bed doesn’t feel as comfortable anymore. Wait, is he sitting in bed? It feels more like the floor...concrete. No definitely the bed. No concrete. The room starts to flash around him, almost like someone is turning the lights on and off on him. The coldness is stronger than before.

His head starts to explode with pain and when he cries out, Lola’s face looms closer. “John, John, what’s wrong?” she asks.

“My head,” he says, reaching up to clutch his hair. “It feels like it’s going to bloody explode.”

Her mouth moves, but the reassuring words he was expecting don’t come. Instead her voice sounds sharper and more frantic. “John?! John! Can you hear me?”

It’s Lola’s voice, but not his Lola? Wait, yes, his Lola? Then who was the Lola next to him? Where is he? He’s not in bed. He’s…

\--

“John? Come on damn it!” you say, shaking his shoulders.

He’s slumped against the wall of the basement, bleeding from a large gash on his forehead. You also spot a red stain on his torso under his trenchcoat where you know he was stabbed. You felt it when it happened. Next to him, the Jinn you just shot is twitching, not quite dead yet but pretty close.

John mumbles your name and you take his face in your hands. As soon as you do, his wound starts to heal itself and his eyes flutter open. “Lola?” he croaks.

“Yes, yes it’s me. I found you,” you say, scooting closer so you can pull him into your lap.

John’s eyes become a bit more focused now that his wounds are healing, however you’re worried about the look he’s giving you. You have no idea what kind of look it is. You don’t have your wards in place so you can feel everything he’s going through. However, it’s difficult to make sense of any of it. His emotions are all over the place and you try not to let them overwhelm you as your connection flares now that you’re reunited.

“Lola, where are the--?” he pauses for a moment, before shaking his head as if to clear it. “I mean...wait...where am I?”

“In the den of a stupid Jinn that you decided to chase on your own for some fucking reason! I get shit on for getting unexpectedly attacked by a werewolf, but oooohhh noooo, fucking John Constantine has to go after a Jinn all by himself!” you tell him angrily as he moves to sit up. “What the hell, John?”

John studies you for a moment, almost like he’s seeing you for the first time. It’s a little unsettling. He makes a move to sit up and you help him. He’s quiet for a few more seconds as he takes in his surroundings. You can see recognition come back to him as his head starts to clear. Eventually he turns his head to look at you and his face splits into a lopsided grin. “Told you you’d figure out how to track me.”

Without a second thought, you punch him in the mouth. Pain explodes in your own jaw and you bite your tongue to keep from crying out. “You fucking piece of shit!” you exclaim, shoving him backward so he slumps against the wall. “You went and got yourself fucking caught by a Jinn so that I would have to use the connection to track you?! Who does that?! FUCKING CRAZY PEOPLE THAT’S WHO!”

John doesn’t even look angry you punched him. He chuckles and wipes the blood off of the corner of his mouth. “I was tired of you saying you couldn’t do it,” he says with a half-shrug. “Looks like I was right.”

You punch him again.

“Ow!” he complains.

And just for good measure, you punch him a third time. Each time you feel it, and each time you fight through the pain if for no other reason then the complete satisfaction that always comes with punching John. It has been a long time coming and he more than deserves it.

“Okay I understand the first one, and probably the second one, but what was the third one for?” he asks.

“Because you’re an idiot!” you snap.

“Ah, but I’m _your_ idiot, love,” John purrs. He beckons you forward. “Now come give us a kiss and make it all better.”

You growl with annoyance as you pull him forward by his collar, pressing your lips against his in a bruising kiss. Your tongue slides into his mouth and you can feel the spot where his split lips is healing. You stroke it apologetically. He groans as you do, one hand tangling in your hair while the other slides across your hip before resting on your lower back. When you draw away a few seconds later, he glances down between the both of you, a ghost of a smile on his face. A small smile that doesn’t even come close to reaching his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, looking down as well. You’re not sure what you should be seeing. It’s just your stomach showing from under the midriff t-shirt you’re wearing.

“Nothing,” he says, shaking his head slightly. “Still a little disoriented. What do you say we get out of here?”

You couldn't agree more. Enough basement dungeons for one day. You pick up your abandoned shotgun before you slide John’s arm around your shoulders. With one hand on the wall, John struggles to get to his feet. You help him to stay steady. “Chas! I found him!” you call towards the stairs.

Chas comes barrelling down about a minute later, dagger in hand. He stops short of the Jinn, eyes wide. “Jesus Christ,” he says. “John--”

“Don’t worry about it,” you say. “Already scolded him.”

“And punched me,” John complains. “Bloody tortured by a Jinn and this bird decides I should get hurt even more.”

“Damn right I punched you. Three times too. It’s your fault you got yourself caught on purpose,” you tell him as Chas moves to John’s other side to assist.

With Chas’s help, you eventually are able to get John up the stairs, out of the house and into the cab. You’re glad for the connection you have otherwise there is no way you would have been able to find him. As you help him into the backseat, he grabs for your hand, forcing you to climb in there with him. You don’t argue. You don’t know much about Jinn, but you imagine whatever it was making him hallucinate threw him for a loop.

It looks like it used the hallucinations to lure its prey into a false sense of security before it devoured it. If you hadn’t shown up in time, John would be been a goner.

You settle down next to him as Chas closes the door and gets into the driver’s seat. John lays across the back seats, his head in your lap as he curls up on his side. His hand clutches your thigh tightly and you run your fingers through his hair to try to help him relax. You know he’s not in serious pain anymore, since you healed his injuries. However, his body feels exhausted beyond belief and you can tell he aches all over. There’s also a sadness to him that’s incredibly powerful.

He passes out before Chas can even pull away from the Jinn’s house.

He holds onto you even in his sleep. You wonder if he’s dreaming because on occasion he twitches or whimpers. Hours later you arrive at the Mill House and wake John so he can climb out. You and Chas let him lean on you for support again as you lead him into the house.  

“I’m late for my weekend with Geraldine,” Chas says after he helps John down the stairs and into the kitchen. “You got it from here?”

“Yeah, we’re good,” you tell him. He helps you lead John over to the kitchen chair. He’s tired but he’s also starving and needs to eat something before he can go back to sleep. “Go. I got this.”

Chas nods before leaning down to give John a half-hug. “Don’t ever do something like that again,” he orders.

John pats him on the back. “Don’t worry, mate,” he says, as Chas pulls away. “Lesson learned.”

Chas makes a noise of disbelief before leaving the kitchen. You sigh heavily and run your hands through your hair, watching as John slowly takes his trenchcoat off.

“Go ahead,” he says. “Ask. I know you want to.”

At first you don’t say anything. You walk over to the kitchen counter and grab the whiskey bottle and two glasses. When you place them on the table in front of John, you’re surprised when he doesn’t reach for it automatically. In fact, he eyes the bottle apprehensively. Eventually he reaches out to take it and unscrew the cap.

You take a seat to his left as he pours alcohol for both of you. But it’s nowhere near the amount he would normally pour. Not that you’re complaining. Neither of you seem to be in much of a drinking mood.

“Are you going to tell me what you saw?” you ask hesitantly.

He works the knot out of his tie to loosen it a bit before picking up the glass in front of him. “Maybe,” he says. He takes a sip. “If you make me something to eat, I’ll consider it.”

You suck your teeth at him. “Okay, because you were just tortured I’m going to let that comment slide because I know you didn’t mean to sound like a prick,” you say, taking off your own jacket. “So yes, I will make you food.” You get up and drape your jacket over your chair before taking a sip of your own drink.

John rolls up his sleeves as he sighs with relief that you’re not going to make him cook his own food. Not in this state. He can barely stand and you don’t trust him at the stove. He leans his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands. “Thank you, my love,” he says. You’ve never heard him sound so tired and...hollow. He’s also never called you “my love” before. “Love” sure. Also “bit”, “woman”, “lass” and a combination of others. You like the way he says “my love” though. It makes you smile.

You walk over to stand behind him. You rub his shoulders briefly before sliding your arms around his neck and leaning down to place a kiss on his cheek. He leans into your touch instantly and you hear him let out a content sigh. His hand comes up to rest over yours and you lean your forehead against his temple, taking a moment to enjoy his presence. He had been gone for a full twenty-four hours and they had been the most stressful hours of your life.

You feel the stab of hunger in his stomach and give him another peck. “Let me make you something to eat, baby,” you say, smoothing down his tousled hair. “Pancakes sound good? It’s the quickest thing I can make.”

He tenses for a moment before drawing away slightly to look you in the eye. You don’t know what you said to get this reaction from him. “What’s wrong?”

He eventually smiles softly and shakes his head. “Nothing,” he says. He places his hand on the back of your head to pull you into a kiss. It’s just a soft press of lips. A kiss for the sake of kissing you, not for taking things further. He pulls away after and strokes your cheek with his thumb, a surprisingly gentle gesture on his part. “Pancakes sound just fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr for updates and teasers: ladyfogg.tumblr.com
> 
> Or on my sideblog: johnconstantinescreencaps.tumblr.com


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